It happened this summer. I was taking my three year old to one of her activities and the instructor made a pointed comment. My daughter has a good disposition. She is generally a loving child and a bright child. She is also a very active child. These things begin innocently enough. I've never been a parent before. I don't know what a one, two, or three year old is supposed to act like.
Well, when my wife and I enrolled her in these activities we quickly discovered that she was more active and more verbal than the other children. Suddenly, it hit me when the instructor said she needed to work on focusing and paying attention. It had been in the back of my mind for awhile, but now it came to forefront. When my child gets to school are her teachers and administrators going to struggle with her? Will they claim she has ADHD? Is she really as bright as I think she is?
This epiphany was not about my child. I've thought about my child everyday. The epiphany was about parents of our school children and how they feel. See, I'm pretty up on the educational lingo. I've been trained to identify some of the symptoms of different conditions children may have. I've also been drilled on my professional ethics. So, I know the things those educators should be telling me and not telling me when my time comes. Even still, I'm apprehensive about the experience. How must those parents feel that don't know what I know? Those are the parents we work with. Those are the parents that don't come to our meetings.
Last year in particular, I hit a wall. I was dealing with a lot of professional stuff while trying to get parents to come to meetings. Many of them didn't come and I was scapegoated, Today it all came rushing in. Parents all love their children. Educators want what is best for kids. Sometimes both sides aren't quite sure how to communicate that. Sometimes parents can seem distant, uninterested, or uncaring. I admit it, I've thought that. On the other side, educators can seem overbearing and judgmental. I've seen that too.
The epiphany came full circle when I had a discussion at work. It would be more accurate to call it an argument. The funny thing is that the person I had an argument with ended up proving my point in their reaction. When an educator states an opinion about raising kids it usually is taken personally. You're saying I need to do that or I'm a bad parent. In most instances, that wasn't intended. It is how it is perceived.
I could say more, but the details would only cause pain and define the issue too narrowly. A few things are needed. First, both parents and teachers must go in believing each wants what is best for their child. Secondly, both must realize the other is coming from a different point of view. Teachers have to consider both the child and the other 20 something children. Parents must consider their child.
I've written a ton of educational pieces before and I'll write a lot more now that school is starting. I invite any questions people may have. I will try to do the best I can to answer questions honestly and help parents sift through the jargon. That summer day taught me that while I may be a competent educator, I will always be an apprehensive father. I can only imagine what it must be like not to know the jargon.
The problem is as the Fonz use to say, if you're that cool...it's hard to keep up. Actually, he never said that, I just kind of paraphrased.
Terrified, I'm sure. That's why in one of the discussions I suggested that some parents just run and then appear as uncaring when nothing could be further from the truth.
I'm glad I've never been a first year medical student... :O)
I read this and had to comment. Right on! I've been trying in my own ways to assume that people I disagree with are honestly doing their best. It's surprisingly hard. I think it applies to politics, at a macro-level, as well as it applies to interpersonal relationships at work and at school, etc. Even within families, I'm sure.
It's powerful, this realization, that people really do want pretty much the same outcomes--they just see through different neo-cortices.
It is far too early, but that doesn't help the apprehensive parent thing. What I probably have is some version of the first year medical school syndrome where every diagnosis seems to fit. That's part of the whole epiphany. If I feel this way then how do parents feel that really have no idea?
I'm sure you realize that often exceptionally bright children are branded ADHD. It's part of the 'it's them not you' syndrome that some kids need help recognizing. I'll trade you some of that bubbly disposition for some of my daughter's attention span.
Isn't 3 years old to young to make any kind of reliable assessment? Of course, that doesn't help the apprehensive parent thing...I know that from 1st hand experience.