So Bill O'Reilly finds Jennifer Aniston's comments about women having choices about sperm donors and being single mothers offensive. As we say in the south, "how nice" that he has an opinion.
Every man should NOT have the right to be a father. There are some men who don't DESERVE to be fathers because they couldn't fulfill an emotional or fiduciary responsibility if their lives depended on it. (There are also some women who should never be allowed to bear children! I've seen them in parking lots, department stores, and restaurants, and have actually called the police and reported some because of their obvious lack of parenting skills and abusive behavior toward children.) But I'm on the sperm donor case today because Bill opened his mouth on national television, and all I can do is write about it on my blog.
Case in point, the graphic below (obviously covering a period of more than six months).
My youngest son's sperm donor (someone who doesn't deserve to be called "Dad") has never attempted to have any kind of relationship with my son for the past 12 years, and for that, I am actually quite grateful. The less interaction my son has with that sociopathic, totally effed-up, misogynistic white-collar criminal, the better. The man's only apparent interest is in defrauding women, credit card companies, and the companies he works for and submits false expense reports to, not to mention the fraudulent tax returns he's probably still filing. That's not a male role model I want anywhere near my son. He has also obviously had no intention of fulfilling any fiduciary responsibility for the past year and a half, as illustrated by the graphic above.
Cast aspersions upon ME if you like for falling in love with the wrong person. Guilty, as charged. But what an actor, what a prevaricator, what a complete and total piece of garbage he was and most likely still is. Subsequent investigation on my part led me to understand that I was not his first victim (I was his fifth, yes, FIFTH), and, sadly, am probably not his last. Serial sociopathic behavior. There's quite a history that I uncovered after the fact, but that's another story ... one which bores me years later.
So Bill, really, there's no guarantee that having someone other than a sperm donor to assist a woman in getting pregnant will guarantee a wholesome, complete, fulfilling relationship for a child.
The good news is that statistically only about 11% of the guys out there are really "deadbeat dads" who have walked away from their obligations. There a 70% compliance rate in non-custodial parents paying child support to the custodial parent, male and female.
I am, apparently, an exception. Lucky me. I'm sure my son appreciates the anomaly. I'm sure he has appreciated it every Father-and-Son day at his school, at not being a scout with his dad or some other father-son thing, and every time he goes to a ballgame with his best friend and his best friend's dad who is gracious enough to take him along because they know his situation and realize that sometimes a boy just needs to hang with the guys, plus the fact that he's just a cool kid.
My son has been gracious enough to ME over the years to say he doesn't need a dad because he always has me there for whatever he needs. I'm incredibly lucky that he would even say that, and I count my blessings every day. He also has some pretty incredible big brothers who would willingly kick the ass of anyone who messed with him for any reason! Sometimes you really gotta love that testosterone!
I count my blessings that the incredibly messed-up dude that happened to be his sperm donor is NOT in his life every day. I don't have to share custody; he subsequently has no visitation; and he has never directly inflicted his particular psychopathology on my son.
Make no mistake, this is NOT unique to males. There are considerable numbers of women out there who have no business being moms either. This is just my perspective, based upon 12 years of a so-called "father" having no interest in his child.
So Bill, unless you're interested in fulfilling the responsibility of being the "dad" to all those young ones out there who don't have one for reasons similar (or even dissimilar) to mine, back off when it comes to us single moms.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for the child is to be the sperm donor and walk away. Some of us are REALLY good at and OKAY WITH being single mothers after all.
My earlier post to carguy dissiapeered for some reason...
haha, I knew I was treading on dangerous ground with these posts...
I agree with you about the heart being in the right place, but the ones I've had close interaction with seem to be 'zealots'.
I didn't want to bother you with my earlier story but under the circumstances...
I went to the League city humane sumpin or other to look for a kitten for my daughter. We settled on one and went the process of adopting. Part of the agreement was to immunize the kitten within a certain timeframe.
Honestly, this turned out to be a heartbreaking situation for both my daughter and I. Later in the day we adopted, my daughter started having an allergy reaction to the kitten (I knew I would but I was going to endure it for my daughter, unfortunately as I tell my baby due to genetic endowment she has the same allergies). My daughter who was probably about 4 at the time convinced me we should do the right thing with the kitty so we took it to a local fire department and after trying to get somebody's attention and failing we left it in their kitchen. A retiring fireman took it home. Later in a local pet store I ran into the lady that had processed the paperwork and was forced to admit that we didn't have the kitten anymore. All hell broke loose from there...I ended up in contempt of court and facing jail time. The city attorney eventually dismissed the case with alacrity. During that process he just sat there shaking his head (Probably in disbelief). My daughter was devastated by the loss of the kitten and it broke my heart to see her in such distress. We both learned a very difficult lesson that day.
The dating scenario was another long 'crazy' story that I'll save for another day.
Carguy, I'm guessing it was a small "no-kill" rescue group at a PetsMart or Petco. The big open intake "kill" shelters aren't as picky or loony because well, you know the alternative.
And AH, I was a loony pet adoption volunteer and counselor for a dozen years. You haven't seen crazy unless you're seeing it from the inside. Heart's in the right place though. And to the best of my knowledge, I never dated you, unless your name is Andrea. ;-)
Was that at the Housaton Humane Society or someone else. Just curious.
Hey Carguy,
You know I got one for everything. I had a date with a pet adoption volunteer that I'd never met. I was a little late because I was busy with my daughter (6 years old at the time). I politely phoned her and said I was running about a half hour late and she started to lecture me on my priorities. I told her to f*ck off. She phoned back to 'talk' and after awhile I told her I was about to watch a football game (Go Chiefs) and so our conversation was done. She asked me if I was serious and I said, "hell, yes". About a year and a half later my daughter and I were looking for a dog/cat to adopt and coincidentally ended up at her post. She flatly refused to let me have an application to fill out. My experiences with pet adoption agencies have been negative to say the least. Them peoples is crazier than most cops I've encountered.
We lost a pet last year and went to the Houston Humane Society to adopt a new kitten. VERRRRRY nice facility out there and I highly recomend it to anybody. Frankly, I've stayed at motels that weren't that nice.
They have a questionnaire and an interview you must go through BEFORE they will allow you to adopt a pet.
Now that's a "novel" idea. Perhaps we should E X P A N D on that.
And, because I hate to miss the opportunity, I think we need to "revisit" that "freedom of speech" issue if we ever start another country from scratch.
The problem is that conservatives see a two parent family as always better. I've seen enough to believe that some people are better off on their own. It's a hard lesson but no relationship always beats a bad one.
unconditional love is truly a wonderful thing to behold. I think I could give you a little different perspective on the 'strings' thing, but I won't, I'll just agree with your point well made.
Voice, this sounds like the way my two talk about their "sperm donor".
Personally, I am not diminishing the role of a father. A good father. But a poor role model, or a poor father? Let's just say one of my sons told me several years ago that he learned what unconditional love meant by the way I feel about him and his brother. Not by anything his father ever did. There were always strings attached in that relationship and my kids just got tired of being yanked around by those strings.
Do I wish things were different? Hell, yes. I would have loved for my sons to have a father they could talk to, go to for advice, sit and watch a football game and drink beer with. A father they could TRUST. To get trust you have to be trustworthy. Once lost....it's very hard to regain.
I had to haul his ass to court for child support also. He somehow believed that he was above the law and he didn't *have* to pay. Even though Texas law says he did. He learned the hard way. He had to pay. Let's just say that fool won't mess with me again. Three separate lawsuits. I won them all. He paid dearly.
I can maybe forgive the bastard for the abuse he heaped upon me. I don't think I can ever forgive him for the abuse and manipulative behavior towards my children. Let's just say.....you reap what you sow. And he's reaped a withered relationship with his offspring.
Billo needs to take a lesson from Doofus Dan Quayle from his Murphy Brown-baiting days. And shut up.
One thing you can be certain about O'Really is that his inner motivation is disturbed, very disturbed.
my alien friend, "learned your lesion" - was that Freudian? LOL
Some people "diminish the role of dad (and mom)" all on their own, so as Jen said, "it's nice to have options." I kind of think men aren't as lucky as women if they want kids on their own.
Wonder what O'REALLY would have to say if there were egg banks and baby machines where guys could pick one up on their own? :-)
I guess I would agree with you but I don't think to be in a relationship with a good male parent should be viewed as a necessary evil...Unless, of course, the female is lesbian. Father bashing is a favorite American pasttime to the good of no one. I have to admit though not by choice I am a single father and by no means find a relationship with a female a necessary evil. Truly, that's a little strong...I've learned my lesion and realized another trip through emotional hell is not for me.
Bill O'Reilly's comment: "But the fathers who do try hard are underappreciated and diminished by people like Jennifer Aniston. She's diminishing the role of the dad."
I would think that the "fathers who do try hard" are happy enough to have good kids and a loving, healthy relationship with them and couldn't care less if Blowhard Bill feels they are "underappreciated" or "diminished". O'Reilly's comments were quite self centered, overreaching, broad brushed, and contemptuous of independent women. I guess his ratings were down so he felt the need to borrow Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine to channel his inner Dan Quayle and rehash Quayle's "Murphy Brown" idiotic manufactured controversy.
Basically Jennifer Anniston (and Voice) said a relationship with a man (particularly a flawed one) is not necessarily an absolute prerequisite or necessary evil to suffer through for a loving relationship with a child.
As for having children for sport, that would be Octo-mom and Sarah Palin though kudos go to Palin for finding a secondary usefulness for her kids as political footballs.
So what did he say that was offensive anyway...I don't think having children for sport is ever a good idea. As a tried-and-true co-dependent I sometimes wonder if ANYONE is really capable of being a good parent.