An Idle American on American Idol

I had a unique opportunity to observe a fascinating process that perfectly illustrates why we're where we are as a nation.

I attended an American Idol open call audition in another city this year as an observer. For those who aren't familiar with what their audition process is, I'll share some info.

We arrived very early in the morning the day before the open call with our photo ID and proof of citizenship in hand. This is, after all, American Idol. We were issued wristbands, tickets, and a list of rules and regulations - things not to do, not to bring, etc. A complete copy of the paperwork is still available on the website, but excerpts are included below (emphasis mine):

... Even if you are in line before 8:00 a.m., producer cannot guarantee that you will be seen for an audition.

... Keep in mind that there is no guarantee that you will be seen for an audition regardless of whether or not you have a wristband and/or seat ticket.

... All rules and procedures are subject to change at producer's sole and absolute discretion.

... Rules In Line: You MUST be in line by 8:00 a.m. on the actual audition day in your city. Even if you are in line by 8:00 a.m., there is no guarantee that you will be seen for an audition.

... We reserve the right to disqualify and/or exclude, in our sole and absolute discretion, any individual from any of the auditions for any reason or for no reason at all, including without limitation, violation of any portion of these rules, or tampering with the entry process or the audition process. We also reserve the right to change the rules and procedures at any time. Being chosen to audition and/or compete at any level in the process does NOT ensure that you will be selected to continue to the next stage.

... By participating, entrants agree to be bound by these rules and the decisions of the producer, the voting audience, and the panel of judges, which shall be final and binding. Your presence at the auditions, and the presence of your friends, family members, and anyone else accompanying you, constitutes your and their consent and agreement to the recording and use of your and their performance, appearance, name, voice, singing voice, likeness and any musical or sound effects produced by you and/or them for use in connection with any television program, motion picture, wireless/mobile device, or the Internet for all purposes (including advertising, marketing, promotion, merchandising and the exploitation of any and all ancillary and subsidiary rights), as the same may be edited, in all media now known or hereafter created, throughout the universe, in perpetuity for no compensation, unless otherwise required by law.

... I understand that I may reveal, and other parties may reveal, information about me that is of a personal, private, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, which information may be factual and/or fictional. I further understand that my appearance, depiction and/or portrayal in the Program may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature which may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation. I acknowledge and agree that Producer shall have the right to (a) include any or all such information and appearances, depictions or portrayals in the Program as edited by Producer in its sole discretion, and (b) broadcast and otherwise exploit the Program containing any or all such information and appearances, depictions or portrayals in any manner whatsoever in any and all media now known or hereafter devised, or for any other purpose, throughout the universe in perpetuity.

... I agree to follow all of Producer's rules, directions and instructions in all matters relating to the Program, which rules are subject to change at Producer's sole discretion. I will accept any and all decisions of Producer on discretionary matters (including but not limited to the audition process and contestant selection) as final and acknowledge that the interests of the Program shall override those of any participant.

... I acknowledge that Producer reserves the right, exercisable at any time in its sole discretion, to disqualify me from the Program should I at any stage supply untruthful, inaccurate or misleading personal information, fail to abide by the rules or regulations of the Program, or for any other reason or for no reason at all.

If you agreed to all the above (and who really read all that fine print besides me?), the next step was to wait in line beginning at 5AM the day of the audition for the doors to actually open at 8AM. Since wristbands and tickets were issued on a first-come/first-in basis and everyone had an assigned seat, this process was only necessary for crowd control. Once the doors opened, it still took at least an hour for them to organize inside and get ready to begin the screening process.

There were twelve tents set up along the side. People were initially brought down about half a section at a time, lined up in groups of four, and sent to a tent to be screened by an associate-assistant-second producer or someone who might have had a music degree, or owned an iPod. Individuals were given anywhere from NO time to sing (sorry, we've changed our standards this year and you don't fit the criteria), to about 8 notes, to maybe 16 bars. Most of the time, there was no feedback given, just "exit that way quickly" and a security guard to literally shoo them out the exit.

Over the course of several hours during the day that I got to observe, the atmosphere in the venue was rather like being at a music festival or concert. People were generally in high spirits. Several had brought their guitars so there were many impromptu mini-concerts given in the stands, around the concession area, down hallways and in stairwells.

As you might imagine, there were more not-stellar voices than there were standouts, but there were some standouts. There was also a karaoke set-up where hopefuls were given a chance to sing in front of the crowd backstage and most likely be ridiculed for good FOX TV later, according to some of the fine print in the documents you had to sign and hand over before you made it to one of the audition tents.

There was a guy who wasn't auditioning walking around with his own unaffiliated with Fox video camera documenting the journey for a series of YouTube videos he was going to upload. Perhaps a soon-to-be-famous indy filmmaker ...

While I was developing the sunburn on my nose and scalp, I paid close attention to the crowd of hopefuls, and kept a scorecard on who/what got through. Of the first 20 hopefuls to make the long walk to the next round of paperwork, more than ¾ of them were skinny blondes, one Asian guy, one Latina, and two AA females. The next to get through was another skinny blonde, albeit a dude wearing black tights, no shirt and a red cape. The trend held for the remainder of the day. I began to look for the circus freaks in the crowd as they were called down and actually started the over-under with a group around me on who was going to take the long walk to the next ring under the Big Top.

Sure enough, a creature (who looked to be over the age limit) that was painted silver from head to toe made it through, as did the guy in the Transformers costume (although the fine print said "no cartoon characters"), the Adam Lambert-wannabe in the over-the-top outfit, the circus clowns - yes, plural, the little person who looked like a confused Swedish hooker in leiderhosen, and the 12-y-o in the cheerleaders outfit, just to highlight a few.

The military vet made it through, but I hope it wasn't just a costume as the other vets in the crowd were quite puzzled as to the branch of service he was in given the odd color of fatigues he was wearing. Please let him be for real.

I will state again that at the end of the day, the trend held. As I was sitting close enough to the audition tents to hear the singers, I noted several with really good voices who were shown the exit. I saw some characters and malleable personalities with considerably less talent get through.

The producers have something very specific they are looking for this year, and they stated they're "raising their standards" to get there. Interesting statement given my observation that they don't really seem to be looking for singers or musicians as those were there in abundance yet sent away. They seem to be looking for someone who is "commercial" looking (thin looks better on camera), has a narrower range somewhere in the middle that better lends itself to an auto-tuner (because serious singers with chops may have too many opinions about their own music), and someone young enough to be exploited through their own ignorance (and that of the gullible general public) so they can make lots of money for the Fox machine.

I'm sure you're wondering how this has anything to do with a political website. AI is a Fox show. Go back and read some of the excerpts from the release form the hopefuls had to sign. It should provide further insight and enlightenment into their standards and practices for all shows on that network.

My favorite is: "other parties may reveal, information about me that is of a personal, private, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, which information may be factual and/or fictional ... may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature which may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation."

That, my friends, is integrity, and we apparently eat it up as a nation.