This is a difficult time of year for many, and my family is no exception.
A time of year that should be filled with peace, love and joy instead brings feelings of anguish, despair and loneliness to some. Family dysfunction is elevated to exponential highs. Some overindulge, over imbibe, or overcompensate as a result.
My family certainly isn't immune from dysfunction, and we've managed our varying "toxicity" levels in different ways. Some withdraw ... sometimes for years. Some over imbibe to make situations more tolerable, or perhaps to achieve numbness to a situation. Some overcompensate and buy goofy gifts for everyone to lighten the mood. Some can't handle the merriment and lock themselves in their rooms to avoid the gaiety. Some write.
If your family is in need of a special nod this time of year, here is my wish for you:
I wish you a large, dysfunctional family. Some people have no family to belong to.
I wish you a noisy house full of family argument, kitchen commands, and shrieking children opening gifts. Some people have no one to make any noise in their lives.
I wish you indigestion after a big meal. Some people will be hungry.
I wish you the hassle of dealing with a nasty cold. Some people live with painful chronic diseases for years with no relief.
I wish you a big mess to clean up in your house after everyone leaves. Some people have no house, no room, no bed.
I wish you political incompatibility and debate over past, present and future candidates. Some people can't imagine being able to have any kind of political choice.
I wish you heated arguments over ridiculous things. Some people no longer feel passionate enough to care about anything.
I wish you annoyingly long lines at the airport on the way to your vacation. Some people can't imagine having the money, time, or freedom to go anywhere.
I wish you a wrestling match with a stranger over a last-minute toy on Christmas Eve. Some people have no children, no money for toys, and no Christmas Eve!
Why would I wish things like this for you during this joyful season, or at any time?
Because only when you have known hunger will you taste the sweetness that life has to offer.
Because only when you have known illness will you appreciate good health.
Because only when you have known strife will you appreciate peace.
Because only when you have known loneliness will you know what a full heart feels like.
Because some people just don't appreciate anything until they end up with nothing.
So I hope you have the chance to appreciate peace, a full heart, and the sweetness of the season.
That's my Christmas wish for you, and my own dysfunctional family.
yes my friend we share many experiences in common. for a couple of years i felt isolated and forgot how many parents were just like me, trying to get answers for their children's conditions, fighting the tide of bureaucracy and finding little support in the medical and edcuational communities. i arrived at my resolution to keep fighting for my son and other chronically ill, disabled children when i rec'd assistance from lone star legal with one particularly difficult ARD meeting. an attorney, helen malveaux, was so compassionate, so skilled at garnering resources for my son and others like him, that i was inspired by her to become a special ed advocate. i have been volunteering for six years now to assist other parents in the ARD process. so i've learned not to foucs on my own problems because everyone has them. something about the holidays seems to bring family dysfunction to the front burner, my own family is no different. but as long as my parents are living, i've made it clear to my sibs that we will show up at their table with our fake faces on if necessary. should be an interesting evening:)
Voice, than you for your friendship on this and the other blogs. Our family has mellowed out somewhat over the last five years but we still have a grandson who is trying to find his way in this world. The problem being he has no idea of how to do that. He has always been rather over privileged and his Mom was the only one to keep him in touch with a little bit of reality. With her gone it has become difficult and he doesn't feel he needs anyone, much less his Grandparents to offer some guidance. IYou guys are so much help in keeping me involved and grounded but I am sorta thinking about doing some quiet time in my closet this holiday season.
bobo amerigo you are so welcome. and thank you for reading my long posts which are written by yours truly as a form of self-therapy:) i appreciate all of my daily hurricane friends.
Well dang it Voice! You just done ruint my perfectly planned holiday self pity party!
Thank you for an excellent holiday essay on perspective. You should submit it to the Saturday Morning Post (is it still publishing?), or maybe Texas Monthly, or heck even Tiger Beat. Lord knows those self absorbed lovelorn pre-teenboppers could use some perspective too. ;-)
My secondary remedy for the holiday doldrums? Will Ferrell's "Elf" marathon on USA Network or DVD/VHS/On Demand. The latest generation's quirky "It's a Wonderful Life" in my opinion. I can watch it a dozen times and it's (almost) just as hilariously entertaining & uplifting as if I saw it the first time. Or maybe it's just my recurring amnesia...
Merry Hanukkah and a Happy Christmas to all!
I feel sorry for those kids who are sheltered from adversity; have too much done for them. This results in not being able to define some words properly like love, hate, good, bad, grudge, forgiveness, rich, not-so-rich, etc., as so eloquently expressed by Voice, to where free will choice loses some meaning. Having endured adversity is, of course, no guarantee that one will grow in a positive manner but, IMO, for those who do choose the positive growth path, they become blessed even tho they might not see that at the moment. Without adversity, there is a greater danger of becoming amoral.
Christmas is a time for all beliefs to practice the message of centering on others rather than self for happiness of soul. With that, I wish all my buds here that kind of certitude.
tragicmagic, you and I are from the same family. We have also had the same parenting experiences with our children, including the illness part.
You all help me keep things in perspective.
I raise my glass to you all!
Christmas has so many HIGHS when you are a kid. That's the first thing you remember and associate with Christmas.
Then you get older and it's "no big deal" UNTIL......you are a parent and have kids. Christmas as a parent is the BEST. The excitement on your children's faces and the enjoyment they derive from the holiday is GREAT!!
Then your kids grow up. My son is 32. I don't have any grandchildren. Christmas NEEDS kids. Frankly, right now, my most fun thing about Christmas is trying to keep our new kitten from climbing up the inside of the artifical tree. Hell, she don't know it's fake.
I hope everybody can find something to enjoy and be thankful for. As the Chinese say...."At least we ain;t got locust."
(To clarify for y'all, I am not the "extended" family Artemus talks about. I'm not rightwing, nor am I well-off. Ha!) ;-)
I will spend time with my brother and I will have my sons with me at Christmas. That's enough for me. While it's not the big, messy and definitely dysfunctional family of my earlier years, I will enjoy my family and remember those members who are no longer with me.
Thank you, voice, for putting all this in perspective.
And since I will be working Christmas Eve until midnight, I will spend Christmas Day and the weekend probably catching up on sleep.
You wrote:
being fearless is liberation and freedom, but is also responsibility to never take a day for granted, even a bad day
Thank you.
voice thank you for sharing your philosophy of christmas grattitude which is quite close to my own heart. my older son is now 23yrs and has lived a good five years past some of the medical community's predictions. he will turn 24yrs old on march 17, 2010, born with the luck of the irish from my mom's side. he was awarded full scholarship and attended the glassell school of art at age 19 for three semesters, before his first cancer bout reduced him to a minimal, bleak existence. there have been many ups and downs since then, and in this current remission he has painted over a dozen acrylics and is preparing for a show with some other artists he met through a volunteer art project, this time last year he was bedridden. the series of paintings he is currently working to show are human anatomy abstracts - his pain comes through with each stroke, yet his determination and passion shine right through in perfect harmony. my younger son is now a senior in high school, was blessed from birth with excellent health and brings a great deal of joy to my life. watching him play varsity basketball and nervously explore college options thrills me and terrifies me all at once, but pleases me just the same. raising a special needs child slowly changed my value system as a young mother, increased my capabilities for patience with teens. now i'm a middle aged mother of young men on the brink of discovering their potential, and all fear has been transformed into acceptance that whatever is, is meant to be. being fearless is liberation and freedom, but is also responsibility to never take a day for granted, even a bad day. my passion for progress and change is a core value which evolved in me slowly, likely due to my having viewed the late 60's through the eyes of a young child full of love, who saw so much hate around. i wish all my friends here the very best christmas with the people they love. my newest concept is "accept and approve". i do not approve of my brother's cult devotion to glen beck, but i accept it because it's really nothing to do with me. so i wish the best for my family, especially the deranged, disturbed right wing zealots who are waiting for someone else to tell them who to love, who to hate, who to fear, and what to be. ps i think glen beck's christmas sweater is starting to unravel!
I hear you, Artemus. The boys and I "withdrew" at Thanksgiving and had a quiet, peaceful time together.
And "family" can have a lot of different definitions ... after you're a certain age!
Peace to all.
Voice, thank you for putting things into perspective for me this year. I really needed it...
From my very dysfunctional family to yours - Merry Christmas!
If anyone asks, I'll be in my closet...figuratively speaking of course...no, no, that's not what I meant.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I dunno. Some things, even Christmas, aren't worth it. We chose this year not to go visit what is left of our extended and dysfunctional family. They are financially well off, I mean very well off, bu hard core teabag loving, Glenn Beck admiring wingers. No reason to ruin a perfectly good holiday by listening to whack jobs, even family whack jobs. So, spend the holidays with friends and family members who actually bring peace and enjoyment and remembrance of the reason for the season.