Sometimes I wonder what has happened to us as a people. Then, I stop and think about basic human nature and realize the truth. We as people hate uncertainty. Everything must have an explanation to it. When it doesn't, we feel powerless and that is the last thing anyone wants to feel. Simply put, we don't want to be faced with our own mortality. That's what all of this comes down to. If we admit we can't control what goes on then we admit we can't control when we will meet our own maker. It's a scary thought.
So, instead of letting the dust settle in the tragedy at Fort Hood we go into overdrive about who is to blame. I admit it. I did it too. My first thought when I heard the news was that we had another right wing nut on the loose. The right wingers are pointing at the gunman and crying that it's another Muslim extremist. Then, the blame Obama crowd tried to tie him to the administration somehow. I suppose all of this is normal if not very sad. All of this hit home last night when my wife was describing another tragedy that occurred recently.
It seems that a 15 year old boy was very badly burned by two of his friends. The story begins innocently enough. Supposedly, the victim forgot to turn in a video game. So, the two friends vandalized his bike. When the victim told the authorities he was unceremoniously doused with gasoline and set on fire. He jumped in a nearby pool to save his life. He has burns on over 65 percent of his body. He is in stable condition, but no one knows if an infection might set in.
The mother of the two boys (one is 13) apologized profusely to the family of the victims and said she did not know why her boys would have done this. However, you all know how this is going to end. People that have no idea who any of these boys are will comment about how the two boys were raised by their parents. They will have sat idly by and watch these two boys become monsters. It is all their fault right? It's amazing how smart we become the further from a situation we are. My guess is that all of those statements will somehow miss the mark.
We could continue on with any story about a serial killer (say the Washington sniper that just got executed). People are interested in finding out more because they want to humanize the killer. Why do we do this? We do it in an effort to find out why. If we know why then we somehow feel that we can stop it next time. The sad truth is that this usually is not the case. Work in schools long enough and you will find these kids in your class or school. The parents try the best they can, but nothing seems to work. You try every punishment you have. You try positive reinforcement. Electric shock treatment is even mentioned, but we still know the sad truth. Sometimes these things are out of our control.
So, when we consider these stories we need to consider the possibility that there is no why. I know it's a scary thought. Parents out there know full well the worries we all have when we see stories like this. Just reading about the baby Grace case has brought my wife to tears. I refuse to read the details. We didn't know those people anymore than anyone else. Simply knowing that people like that exist in the world is simultaneously frightening, humbling, and anger inducing. The anger and fear is easy to explain, but the humility might be the most powerful. We have to know that we cannot control what happens to us all the time. We are at the mercy of those around us and the common decency we hope we all share. When we come upon someone that doesn't share that common decency we have to suppress our urge to find out why. Sometimes there is no why.
You NAILED this one, Scott! Helplessness is the feeling people least want to feel. I have learned in doing grief work that we will take on horrible guilt to avoid the anxiety of feeling helpless.
When my stepson was murdered, people asked us things like "Was he into drugs?", "Was he gay?", "Was he in a gang?" These were people who we loved and who loved us. "No, he just owned a car and someone wanted to steal it", we would tell them. "Well, there MUST be more to the story", they would add.
What they were trying to escape was the RANDOMNESS of the act... if our son did nothing wrong, then that means it could happen to one of THEIR children.
Yeah, you nailed it on this one...
I think also we are drawn by the perversity of the actors. Those of relative normalcy are fascinated by individuals that willingly embrace that which most of us have a visceral fear of...death.
There are huge psychological differences among true serial killers, mass murderers, and spree killers. As just an opinion, I think serial killers are by far the most complex in their motivation. Mass murderers are probably the least mystifying because they seemingly are driven by a death wish...kind of like a suicidal personality gone wild. I think that these kinds of events occur is testimony to the relative isolation that our society lives its everyday life within...people like that are recognizable to those closest to them but I guess paradoxically the people closest to them are the least inclined to want to face that reality. In the cases that I've read that is a common element. In fact, the denial is greater the more intimate the relationship. It's weird!
Kel....you beat me to it again. I am also a "non-therapist". But I have a lot of crazy friends and I DID take one semester of Psychology AND Sociology in college. (Got a B on both but I didn't even study for the finals) You are absolutely right, IF we can distance ourselves from a tragedy and convince ourselves that "this couldn't happen to me because of 'whatever'", then we feel safe.
The human brain is a very tricky thing. Fact is, there are some things that can't be explained. Nobody to blame. It's important that we remember that in times like these.
I DO think we should look at these people as being "sick" not as criminals. If we could, maybe we could begin to progress on treating them BEFORE they come unravelled and thus prevent some of these horrible events.
I was thinking alone these lines a little bit, today, and I'm glad you wrote this. My non-therapist opinion is that was fear something like this happening to anyone because it could then happen to us. By compartmentalizing and generalizing the people that do these things into certain 'groups' in your head you remove yourself further from the situation and feel safer. If a radical Muslim terrorist kills some people, you feel safer if you don't hang out with radical Muslims. If a monster sets some kids on fire, well, we don't know any monsters so we feel safer. Just my two cents.