Friday Funnies Part Deaux

Last week I came out with my Friday funnies on the subject of professional development for teachers, While I could go on for days talking about bad professional development, I thought I would switch gears and talk about the funny things you hear kids say in the classroom. As you hear all of these stories keep in mind that these are coming from the mouths of high school students. Most people have seen email chains of the things that kids say on math tests and history tests. They are funny, but those are elementary kids. We will break these stories down by categories.

English

For those that read my book, they know that I taught English for a couple of years. I don't know that I can ever go back. When most of us went to college, we learned that when we took an History class or other social science we needed to stay away from topics our professors were experts in. For instance, when I took Jim Wright's course at TCU I knew not to do my presidential paper on LBJ. When I taught at the Catholic school for one year I gave my students a fair warning in this regard.

As an aside, I love hearing how private schools are so much better than public schools. Keep in mind that all of these stories will come from the private school. Anyhow, we were doing a research paper and I allowed my students to pick anything from the 1920s. They could choose history, culture, fashion, entertainment, sports, or other areas. I reminded my boys that I had written two books about baseball and that they better research it well if they wanted to pick it. Two tried anyway. One of them talked about the great players from the period. He extolled the virtues of the Pittsburgh Pirate great "Homes Wagner and the great Walter Johnson "AKA Cy Young"" Naturally, there was no research to back up these players that had skipped my studies of baseball.

Another student that could charitably be labeled a "jackass" complained when I gave him a 30 on his paper. You see, he converted a 3-5 page research paper into one page and did not include any citations or a bibliography. He talked about the infamous "Red Sox Scandal of 1919." I could have given him credit for the Babe Ruth trade, but the kicker was when he complained that he had spent "thirty minutes writing that paper." So, I told him he earned a point per minute.

History

I spent most of my time teaching history throughout my years teaching. Certainly, students knowledge of historical timelines usually left a lot to be desired. Now, as a historian I am not huge on dates. I am more interested in making sure my students have a general idea on the order of events and the type of things that are going on at the time. This is why it shocked me to hear one of my students ask why the Cherokee didn't drive to Oklahoma during the 'Trail of Tears."

I admit, sometimes I have not been quite as kind as I could be. As you can probably tell, I sometimes can come off as a bit of a smart ass. When I heard that one I told the student they were saving their money on a scholarship fund for their descendants. Since he had no idea the timeframe he was talking about, he didn't realize that I was joking with him and I told him the real answer.

Another girl (all of these students were at the private school) answered one of my favorite questions with the most ridiculous answer I had ever heard. I asked my history students what technology from World War I was new. I'm not a big war buff, but I do like talking about new technology and how it affected the outcome. Plus, it is a way to insert science into a history lesson. This girl told me that "bows and arrows were new." I suppose she could have been referring to the French, but I seriously doubt it.

Science

I never did teach science and that is a good thing. However, when I tried to get science into the history lesson I heard some interesting things. Mind you, this is still the Catholic school I am talking about. Another student informed me that the reason we have day and night is because "the sun is half fire and half rock. When it is day time we are on the fire side and when it is night time we are on the rock side." I'm sure Justin can bust in here and fill us in on all the reasons why this is horribly wrong, but as a voting citizen I demand to know: why hasn't NASA taken any man space flights to the rock side of the sun? Inquiring minds want to know.

This same student also proved that high school students sometimes haven't mastered the basics of spatial dynamics. She asked me if the moon was closer than Miami. I of course responded no. So, she proceeded to ask me why she could see the moon and not Miami. Dozens of smart ass replies entered my mind until they were flooded and couldn't respond. So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the fine young minds of tomorrow. I say we all take some bows and arrows and flood the Middle East with our finest technology.