In any review of classic Christmas movies, no one can ignore the weirdest ones. I couldn't decide the best in this category, so, on this Christmas Eve, I'll name three movies:
First, 1964's "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", often named one of the worst films ever made. It is one of the strangest Christmas movies ever, featuring a 10 year old Pia Zadora, who's appearance in this film foretold the rest of her career. Martians kidnap Santa to make toys for their kids on Mars and gets even more stupid after that. Here ya' go:
Next, Southpark's "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo". In typical Southpark style, it takes satire to a disgusting extreme. It's about eliminating all religious and traditional references to Christmas and replaced by a mythical Mr. Hankey, which happens to be - well - a bit of...uh, poo. I won't show any pics or clips here, but you get the idea. Disgusting and weird, but my 30 something kids think it's hilarious.
It's
about a hard drinking, womanizing safe cracker who is paired up with an
African American dwarf as a department store Santa Claus and helper.
They manage to get employed each year by a department store, then rob
the store on Christmas Eve, taking the rest of the year off. It's a
story of addiction and redemption, with a lot of profanity thrown in.
And laughs. i couldn't find a clip that wasn't laced with profanity or
sex, so I'll leave it to you to find them on youTube, if you'd like.
It's also on Comedy Central tonight, tomorrow, and Friday.
Tomorrow, the best Christmas movie in the history of mankind. With a little hyperbole thrown in for effect.
Holly Jolly.
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